Is There Anything Wrong With Sex Before Marriage?
Tough Questions Series
Michael Acock
10/25/09
Key Scripture: 1 Thess. 4:3
I. Is there anything wrong with sex before marriage?
- Who is this question for?
- I Thess. 4:3- “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you may abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his body in holiness and honor, not in passion of lust like the Gentiles, who do not know God.”- The answer is primarily for believers; those who know and follow Jesus.
- Why is it primarily for Christians?
- We are the only ones who know an option to fallenness.
- Because there is a kingdom- God’s kingdom, and He has rules and guides that provide and protect us. Sex before marriage and outside marriage between one man and one woman is not the way of the kingdom, because it is not the way of the King. It is not the way of the Creator, not the way of God.
- Sex in marriage is right because marriage exists for the sake of the husband and wife having a permanent, committed relationship, and for making babies, raising children, and releasing those children into the world as a testimony of Christ’s commitment to the church.
- Jesus loves you deeply and knows a way that is better. He has great grace to redeem our brokenness.
- What about the unbeliever or one who does not want to follow Jesus’ way? – Jesus loves you and desires that you encounter His love.
II. We need to see God’s design for humanity and sexuality.
- Genesis 2:24 - God’s design was that there be no shame in the marriage relationship. Adam and Eve were to govern the earth together, and to share a life, not just a sexual relationship.
- Genesis 3:7 – When Adam and Eve sinned, and disobeyed God, their eyes were opened to shame. The first freedom lost was the ability to feel no shame.
- Exodus 20:1-17 – The Ten Commandments.
- The first four were about our relationship to God. The next six were about our relationship to humanity.
- The Ten Commandments were about what we were supposed to do in our relationships.
- Erwin McManus- “God has created us human to be human. This is the very baseline of human relationship. (The Ten Commandments) To be human as God designed us is this, and somehow we go dig under the line.”
D. The Bible affirms our sexuality.
- God made us male and female.
- The body is good. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
- Jesus had a physical body.
- Everything that God made was good: including our sexual organs, which He designed for our enjoyment.
- The sexual urge is God-given and is not evil.
- The Bible celebrates sexual intimacy as a profound form of communication between husband and wife.
- Sex, in the right context, is good and beautiful. God has a high view of sexual relationships between a husband and wife.
E. God wants you to embrace your sexuality. He designed you human.
- Today’s culture says the only way to embrace your sexuality is to do whatever feels good, so to deny a sexual impulse at any point is to be untrue to your self.
- As Jesus’ followers, we embrace our sexuality with restraint (from sex as an idol that defines us) and gratefulness (for God’s gift of marriage and sex).
- Sex in marriage and no sex outside of marriage between one woman and one man, is fighting for our sexuality.
- “We are holding on and exalting our God- given identity as sexual creatures by refusing to be trapped in the never-ending dissatisfaction of lust.”
III. Bible passages that direct our sexuality.
- Matt. 6:19-21- “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In today’s culture sex can become what we treasure most.
- I Cor. 6:12 - “All things are lawful for me but I will not be enslaved by anything.” What are the rules for sexuality inside marriage inside and out?
1. Mark Driscoll- Questions:
a. Is this lawful/biblical?
b. Is this o.k. with my parents? (For young people)
c. Is this helpful for me and for others?
d. Will I become enslaved to it/ addicted to it? Two forms of slavery; the kind
imposed on me and the kind that I give myself to.
- I Cor. 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1. We are to flee all sexual sin of any kind. Greek-Pornia = sexual sin
IV. What makes sex before marriage wrong is that marriage is right.
- Hebrews 13:4- “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
- 1 Corinthians 7 – Principles for the married Life.
- Gen 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-32 Every marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of Christ’s redemption. Marriage restores God’s principle of “no shame” in nakedness between husband and wife.
- 6 ways sex is biblically good in marriage:
1. Pleasure- Song of Solomon
2. Children- Gen. 1;28
3. Oneness- Gen. 1:24
4. Knowledge- Gen 4:1 (Vulnerability and trust)
5. Protection- I Cor. 7 (Protects from temptation and Satan.)
6. Comfort- 11 Sam 12:24 (gives comfort and connectedness)
- Marriage is good and right. Sex is a gift of God for marriage. If you don’t have the gift of celibacy, God intends you to be married.
- As Christians, what we do with sex in marriage, outside of marriage, and before marriage, is a witness for the sake of others knowing His love.
V. Consequences of sex outside of marriage for the unbeliever
- You risk hurting others. Future marriage now has baggage for you, your current partner, and your future spouses.
- There is the possibility of unwanted children, and the spread of unmarried moms.
- You may think that sex with anyone is fine until marriage, but not many people marry others with sordid sexual pasts.
- You risk hurting society: the spread of sexual disease, the breakdown of the family unit- the building block of society.
- You risk hurting yourself. -Premarital sex makes it easier to have extra-marital sex later, which can lead to divorce and lots of pain. You lose the discovery of your sexual life together with your spouse.
- Sex is a moral issue. Moral choices always limit some aspect of our life in order to allow the fullness of life to be lived out.
VI. The anatomy of sex
- Sex is physical and biological, but also emotional, social, psychological, and spiritual.
- It is a means to:
- Intimacy- knowing and being known by another
- Everyone is scared to death of being known, because what hangs in the balance is being accepted. We need to feel needed and loved.
- Sex can be used to mask the real answers to these questions. It can be used to escape the pain of self-evaluation and intimacy.
- Our whole beings are united in marriage; sexual intercourse is not just a response to a physical desire. The physical union both expresses the other unions (emotional, spiritual, and psychological), and brings them about.
- What happens when sex is an end in itself?
- God did not create sex to be an end in itself. Guilt and shame result.
- Lust, desire for the forbidden, can never be satisfied. When you give in you find that lust is always desirous of more.
- We do not get to know the person; it can become impersonal.
VII. Questions we may be asking:
- What if I am still feeling guilty for my past?
- Jesus is the only way. God looks on Jesus and is pleased. We look to Jesus and trust in His work on the cross as forgiveness for all sin before we knew God and after. God credits Jesus’ righteousness to your account. God’s pleasure in Jesus is now His pleasure in you.
- What do I do if I have had sex outside of marriage already?
- Seek Jesus as your treasure
- Repent and look to His way for your life.
- Believe and trust in His sacrifice on the cross as a means for your reconciliation to God.
- Receive His grace and love.
- Justification and Sanctification:
- Justification refers to your status before God. You are declared righteous.
- Sanctification is a process, the process of becoming more like Christ, of growing in holiness.
- “ An important part of standing firm in the gospel, and avoiding legalism, is understanding the difference between the work that Christ accomplished to save us, and the work of becoming holy that He enables us to participate in after we’ve been saved.” Joshua Harris
- Romans 5: 6-11 Jesus saves us, not we ourselves. We trust in Him who justifies the ungodly. “ And to the one who does not work, but trusts Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works; ‘Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”
VIII. Closing
- Sex is a precious gift of God.
- For believers, sex before marriage is wrong because He has given us a better way. A way of provision and protection. We live this way as a testimony before the world of Jesus’ great sufficiency and love.
- The end of all things is not sex. The end of all things is Jesus and what you will do for Him.
- Receive His love. It will satisfy your cravings deeper than anything else.
************************************************************************
Discussion Questions:
Why is sex outside of marriage wrong for Christians?
What are some sources of wrong thinking that lead Christians into sexual sin?
What are some of the blessings of God that are a result of obeying God’s design for
sexuality within a marriage relationship?
What are some of the negative consequences of sexual relationships outside of marriage that we see being played out in our culture today? Give some specific examples.
Is There Anything Wrong With Sex Before Marriage?
Tough Questions Series
Michael Acock
10/25/09
Key Scripture: 1 Thess. 4:3
I. Is there anything wrong with sex before marriage?
- Who is this question for?
- I Thess. 4:3- “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you may abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his body in holiness and honor, not in passion of lust like the Gentiles, who do not know God.”- The answer is primarily for believers; those who know and follow Jesus.
- Why is it primarily for Christians?
- We are the only ones who know an option to fallenness.
- Because there is a kingdom- God’s kingdom, and He has rules and guides that provide and protect us. Sex before marriage and outside marriage between one man and one woman is not the way of the kingdom, because it is not the way of the King. It is not the way of the Creator, not the way of God.
- Sex in marriage is right because marriage exists for the sake of the husband and wife having a permanent, committed relationship, and for making babies, raising children, and releasing those children into the world as a testimony of Christ’s commitment to the church.
- Jesus loves you deeply and knows a way that is better. He has great grace to redeem our brokenness.
- What about the unbeliever or one who does not want to follow Jesus’ way? – Jesus loves you and desires that you encounter His love.
II. We need to see God’s design for humanity and sexuality.
- Genesis 2:24 - God’s design was that there be no shame in the marriage relationship. Adam and Eve were to govern the earth together, and to share a life, not just a sexual relationship.
- Genesis 3:7 – When Adam and Eve sinned, and disobeyed God, their eyes were opened to shame. The first freedom lost was the ability to feel no shame.
- Exodus 20:1-17 – The Ten Commandments.
- The first four were about our relationship to God. The next six were about our relationship to humanity.
- The Ten Commandments were about what we were supposed to do in our relationships.
- Erwin McManus- “God has created us human to be human. This is the very baseline of human relationship. (The Ten Commandments) To be human as God designed us is this, and somehow we go dig under the line.”
D. The Bible affirms our sexuality.
- God made us male and female.
- The body is good. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
- Jesus had a physical body.
- Everything that God made was good: including our sexual organs, which He designed for our enjoyment.
- The sexual urge is God-given and is not evil.
- The Bible celebrates sexual intimacy as a profound form of communication between husband and wife.
- Sex, in the right context, is good and beautiful. God has a high view of sexual relationships between a husband and wife.
E. God wants you to embrace your sexuality. He designed you human.
- Today’s culture says the only way to embrace your sexuality is to do whatever feels good, so to deny a sexual impulse at any point is to be untrue to your self.
- As Jesus’ followers, we embrace our sexuality with restraint (from sex as an idol that defines us) and gratefulness (for God’s gift of marriage and sex).
- Sex in marriage and no sex outside of marriage between one woman and one man, is fighting for our sexuality.
- “We are holding on and exalting our God- given identity as sexual creatures by refusing to be trapped in the never-ending dissatisfaction of lust.”
III. Bible passages that direct our sexuality.
- Matt. 6:19-21- “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In today’s culture sex can become what we treasure most.
- I Cor. 6:12 - “All things are lawful for me but I will not be enslaved by anything.” What are the rules for sexuality inside marriage inside and out?
1. Mark Driscoll- Questions:
a. Is this lawful/biblical?
b. Is this o.k. with my parents? (For young people)
c. Is this helpful for me and for others?
d. Will I become enslaved to it/ addicted to it? Two forms of slavery; the kind
imposed on me and the kind that I give myself to.
- I Cor. 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1. We are to flee all sexual sin of any kind. Greek-Pornia = sexual sin
IV. What makes sex before marriage wrong is that marriage is right.
- Hebrews 13:4- “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
- 1 Corinthians 7 – Principles for the married Life.
- Gen 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-32 Every marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of Christ’s redemption. Marriage restores God’s principle of “no shame” in nakedness between husband and wife.
- 6 ways sex is biblically good in marriage:
1. Pleasure- Song of Solomon
2. Children- Gen. 1;28
3. Oneness- Gen. 1:24
4. Knowledge- Gen 4:1 (Vulnerability and trust)
5. Protection- I Cor. 7 (Protects from temptation and Satan.)
6. Comfort- 11 Sam 12:24 (gives comfort and connectedness)
- Marriage is good and right. Sex is a gift of God for marriage. If you don’t have the gift of celibacy, God intends you to be married.
- As Christians, what we do with sex in marriage, outside of marriage, and before marriage, is a witness for the sake of others knowing His love.
V. Consequences of sex outside of marriage for the unbeliever
- You risk hurting others. Future marriage now has baggage for you, your current partner, and your future spouses.
- There is the possibility of unwanted children, and the spread of unmarried moms.
- You may think that sex with anyone is fine until marriage, but not many people marry others with sordid sexual pasts.
- You risk hurting society: the spread of sexual disease, the breakdown of the family unit- the building block of society.
- You risk hurting yourself. -Premarital sex makes it easier to have extra-marital sex later, which can lead to divorce and lots of pain. You lose the discovery of your sexual life together with your spouse.
- Sex is a moral issue. Moral choices always limit some aspect of our life in order to allow the fullness of life to be lived out.
VI. The anatomy of sex
- Sex is physical and biological, but also emotional, social, psychological, and spiritual.
- It is a means to:
- Intimacy- knowing and being known by another
- Everyone is scared to death of being known, because what hangs in the balance is being accepted. We need to feel needed and loved.
- Sex can be used to mask the real answers to these questions. It can be used to escape the pain of self-evaluation and intimacy.
- Our whole beings are united in marriage; sexual intercourse is not just a response to a physical desire. The physical union both expresses the other unions (emotional, spiritual, and psychological), and brings them about.
- What happens when sex is an end in itself?
- God did not create sex to be an end in itself. Guilt and shame result.
- Lust, desire for the forbidden, can never be satisfied. When you give in you find that lust is always desirous of more.
- We do not get to know the person; it can become impersonal.
VII. Questions we may be asking:
- What if I am still feeling guilty for my past?
- Jesus is the only way. God looks on Jesus and is pleased. We look to Jesus and trust in His work on the cross as forgiveness for all sin before we knew God and after. God credits Jesus’ righteousness to your account. God’s pleasure in Jesus is now His pleasure in you.
- What do I do if I have had sex outside of marriage already?
- Seek Jesus as your treasure
- Repent and look to His way for your life.
- Believe and trust in His sacrifice on the cross as a means for your reconciliation to God.
- Receive His grace and love.
- Justification and Sanctification:
- Justification refers to your status before God. You are declared righteous.
- Sanctification is a process, the process of becoming more like Christ, of growing in holiness.
- “ An important part of standing firm in the gospel, and avoiding legalism, is understanding the difference between the work that Christ accomplished to save us, and the work of becoming holy that He enables us to participate in after we’ve been saved.” Joshua Harris
- Romans 5: 6-11 Jesus saves us, not we ourselves. We trust in Him who justifies the ungodly. “ And to the one who does not work, but trusts Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works; ‘Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”
VIII. Closing
- Sex is a precious gift of God.
- For believers, sex before marriage is wrong because He has given us a better way. A way of provision and protection. We live this way as a testimony before the world of Jesus’ great sufficiency and love.
- The end of all things is not sex. The end of all things is Jesus and what you will do for Him.
- Receive His love. It will satisfy your cravings deeper than anything else.
************************************************************************
Discussion Questions:
Why is sex outside of marriage wrong for Christians?
What are some sources of wrong thinking that lead Christians into sexual sin?
What are some of the blessings of God that are a result of obeying God’s design for
sexuality within a marriage relationship?
What are some of the negative consequences of sexual relationships outside of marriage that we see being played out in our culture today? Give some specific examples.
